Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I am a bit of a worrier. Nothing crazy, really. In fact, I think overall I am a pretty laid back person and mom. I have my moments, of course, many of which have already been shared, where I freak out, cry hysterically, and then pick it all up and move on. But I think in general I have faith that I am doing a pretty good job in raising some well-adjusted, well-mannered, pretty funny kids. But I do have a few things that scare me, and never really appeared until I had kids.

I think the things that scare me the most are things that threaten (or at least potentially threaten) the safety of my children. I have a terrible fear of heights. Not that big of a deal for me before kids. I just stayed off of hotel balconies, tops of tall buildings, and never leaned out of a window. After kids, this fear can paralyze me. Example: We are going to Florida in a couple of weeks to visit with my in-laws. They live in an apartment building on the 9th floor. I have almost reached the point of a full-blown anxiety attack thinking about my 2 monkeys being on balconies that are 9 stories high. I keep imagining these horrible things, and the fear just takes over.

Now Alex has no fears like this with our kids. He thinks I am a little crazy sometimes. I often get upset with him when he is pushing the kids on the swings. He pushes them so high that I swear they will fly right off. Of course, they love it, and are giggling and asking him to push them even higher. So I have learned to go inside when Daddy is doing the swings. That way I don't get too nervous, and I don't freak out on Alex.

But today, for just a moment, I set the fear aside. Our sitter Aimee had the kids outside to have a picnic lunch while I was inside trying to feed Sam. I stood up to go out on the deck to let her know I was going to leave in a few minutes. But when I looked out the door I stopped in my tracks. I saw Georgia swinging so high, pumping her legs all by herself, and leaning back to let her hair fly. I felt the nerves start up. I thought, "She's going to fall, she shouldn't be leaning back so far, she is going too high..."

But in a split second it all went away. I saw the look on my daughter's face, and I melted. The pure joy that she had was just overwhelming. I looked at Noah, sitting in the big-kid swing. He had his shoes off and was looking at his toes brushing in the grass. And I saw the world like they did. For just a moment, I remembered how amazing it felt to swing so high you felt like, if you just closed your eyes, you would be flying. And I knew how wonderful the grass feels between your toes on such a beautiful day.

And the worries just melted away. No one got hurt, no one fell down, no one was even rude to their sibling. They just had fun, and I learned a lesson. My kids are kids. They will get hurt, sometimes just a little, and sometimes a lot. But they will survive and so will I. But that is life. And without the risks, there would be no rewards. It felt so wonderful to let it all go. I need to do that more often.

No comments:

Post a Comment